Part 1 / Chapter Four ⥈ Waves of Change
My mother licked her finger and ran the wet finger around my milk-stained mouth. She then took my hand and we walked up a set of stone stairs to the house and knocked on the blue door. I was wearing a dress, a cardigan and my little white sandals, so I knew this must be important business. Dad was behind us holding GiGi, my little stuffed lamb. She’d been my playmate during the long, long drive. Every morning when we woke up, there was more driving. The blue door suddenly opened and when the tall man inside saw us, his face broke into a grin, causing a line to run down each cheek from his eyes all the way to his chin. He called over his shoulder, “They’re here!”
“This is grandma’s brother”, my mother announced. “Uncle Drum.”
Uncle Drum knelt down, taking GiGi from dad’s hands and placing the little lamb in my arms. “I see you brought your special friend”, he said. I knew about uncles, as two of them around my age lived at grandma’s house. They were brothers and would have run away with GiGi until I chased them into the kitchen and grandma made them give her back. I stared at my new adult uncle. He eyes were like grandmas, but he didn’t smell like her. She smelled like clean washing and apples.
We stayed at that house for awhile and it was much better than being in the car every day. There was a new auntie there too, and three brothers a little older than me. The brothers weren’t uncles, though. They were called cousins. Boy energy is full of tumbling around and digging in the dirt so luckily mom had play clothes for me, and I could follow the brothers around without getting my dress dirty. I especially loved it when the youngest played tag with me in the back yard.
One day dad when came home he announced that we’d be leaving soon to move into our partment.
“Come and sit on my knee”. Dad gestured for me to sit with him and I climbed up into his lap. “It’s not ‘partment’”, dad corrected. “Apartment. It’s a building with lots of apartments. We will live in one of them. We’ll have a kitchen, a living room and you will have your own bedroom with a big-girl bed. Nearby is a nursery school and you will go there two mornings a week. That way you can make some friends.” My tummy felt jumpy when he said this and I put my thumb in my mouth. The three brothers went to school and left all together every morning, returning for lunch and again later in the day. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go to a school. It didn’t seem like I’d be going with the three brothers.
“Don’t suck your thumb,” new auntie admonished. "It will ruin your teeth." I buried my head in dad’s arms.
We had to climb lots of stairs to get to our apartment. My legs were tired from all those stairs. Once inside, I found lots of boxes. Some were in my bedroom near my new big-girl bed. To my surprise, inside the boxes were my toys and books. And my favourite pajamas! Dad called me into the living room where there were piles of more boxes. He picked me up and we looked out the window. There was also a window door in this apartment that led outside to what dad called a balcony.
“Can you see that lady down there?” dad pointed. “We can see her from up here. You can watch for me to come home from work from our balcony. But you have to promise me something.”
I looked at him. I was always drawn into his brilliant blues eyes. Adult uncle had told me my eyes were the same as dad’s.
“You have to promise me,” dad repeated. “Never climb on the railing of this balcony. It’s very dangerous. Do you understand me?”
I nodded.
Dad put me down. “Phew, you are heavy now!” He took a packet of cigarettes from his shirt pocket, opened the lid, pulled one out and put it deftly in between his lips. His lighter clicked in his other hand and he sucked to get the cigarette to smoke. I liked the smell of this smoke. We stood together on the balcony, looking out over the building’s courtyard.
Nursery school was not so bad, once I got used to being away from mom. We played fun games, painted, read books and ate snacks. I liked the boys’ outdoor playtime. We ran around together. I didn’t really like playing doll house as much, so didn’t often play with the girls. In part, this was also because of a mean girl who would take the toys I was playing with or scribble on my painting. She even drank my juice at snack time. I tried to stay away from her but sometimes she followed me.
One day when we finished nursery school, a neighbour lady was waiting for me instead of my mother. She lived in our building and had a daughter the same age as me, who also had the same name! This girl didn’t go to my nursery school, however, as she had been born blind. She went to a different school that helped her learn things like how to get dressed, how to eat, how to play with other kids and even how to read. Her books had little sharp bumps on the pages instead of the kind of words my books had. You felt the bumps with your fingers to read, instead of using your eyes. The neighbour lady told me that she came instead of mom, because mom had to go to the hospital to have our baby. She said that dad was coming home soon and that I would stay with her until he arrived.
That was the day my baby brother was born. I couldn’t believe it - a brother of my very own! Dad got to be home the next day, as it was the weekend, so together we went to the hospital to see mom and our new baby. His face was very scrunchy and a bit red. He didn’t open his eyes and made little clicking noises with his tongue. Sometimes he opened his tiny mouth and stuck his tiny tongue out. Mom said he was hungry and she let him suck on her booby nipple. Milk came from there! She told me that I used to do that when I was a baby. Dad put my finger in my brother’s hand and I was surprised when he grabbed it and hung on tightly.
We got into a new routine, now having a baby in the house. I watched mom change his diapers and sometimes while he was sucking milk she would read to me. Most afternoons we’d go for long walks after mom picked me up from nursery school. But one week I stayed home from nursery school because I had got into a fight. The mean girl had pushed me into my coat and boot cubby and I grabbed her hair. Then she bit me on the face. That really, really hurt. When mom had come to get me, she was very angry with the teacher and yelled at her. I was crying.
Today while I was home, mom was lying on the couch. Unusually, she had turned the TV on. My brother was sleeping. Mom was tired. She was also crying because she missed her mom. I missed grandma too. I was sucking my thumb and lying on the floor with my blanket, feeling worried that my fight had made mom feel bad. Bruisey teeth marks showed on my cheek, making a circle. That night at dinner, dad said he had a surprise for mom. He’d bought airplane tickets for her and me to go and see grandma! We could bring our baby, too. One of my brother’s names was the same as grandpa’s. Grandma would like that.
The airplane was huge and very noisy. A lady wearing a grey hat walked back and forth, talking to all the people in the seats. She took me to the special airplane bathroom when I had to pee and made me wash my hands. The soap smelled disgusting. When I was back in my seat, a different lady with a grey hat gave me apple juice and a little box of animal crackers for a snack. Animal crackers were a rare treat and I talked to the elephant, tiger, bear, monkey and camel as I ate them. Then, as it was past my bedtime, mom wrapped a blanket around me and I fell asleep.
When we walked into Grandma’s house I felt a warm feeling go from my head to my toes. She gave me a tight hug and said I had grown taller. My two uncles asked me to follow them to the kitchen where we sat at the table each with a glass of milk and a piece of apple pie. My piece of pie was the same size as theirs! In the living room, I could hear the adults talking to my baby brother. He was pretty quiet then, but sometimes at home he could make noises like “ohh”, or “ahh”. He would also smile, especially if I stuck my tongue out and blew a raspberry. My two uncles had to go to school every day, so mom and I often walked to the park for me to play, while grandma watched the baby. Mom seemed happy as she pushed me on the swings.
The night before we were to go back on the airplane to go home, lots of people came to grandma’s house for a good-bye dinner. I was missing dad and thought about holding hands with him and how he smelled when he hugged me. One of the people at dinner was dad’s brother, another uncle. He made very funny faces and gave me lthe giggles. He asked if I was a good helper at home. I told him dad had given me my own hammer and I fixed things. Mom was handing me my dessert from across the table and then, something terrible happened. As I reached out to take the dessert, my aunt started pouring uncle’s coffee at the same time. The steaming coffee went all over my arm and was so hot it hurt really bad. I screeched. Everybody jumped up and my aunt pulled my cardigan off, while mom was mom was yelling, “No! don’t, don’t!”. Grandma scooped me up and whisked me into the bathtub where she ran cold water over my arm. My clothes got all wet. I was still screeching.
The next thing I knew, I was rolled up in a blanket and put in the car. We had to go to the hospital. I don’t remember much after that. At some point we still got on the plane. Unfortunately there was a snowstorm while our plane was flying, and we had to land early, before we got to where dad was. Some kind of car took us to a dark, cold place, called a hotel. My arm was tied to my body so I couldn’t move it, but it still really hurt. Mom fed me medicine on a spoon and let me sleep in my T-shirt with my pajama top over top. The next day we went on another airplane and finally arrived home. A frantic dad took mom and our baby home, and then drove me to the hospital. I was not feeling well at all and lay on the front seat of the car beside him, as I couldn’t even sit up. I awoke in a hospital bed with railings all around it, and my bandaged arm attached to a strap at the wall above my head. Strangely, there was white cloth wrapping my leg all the way down to my toes. I had no idea what had happened and tears came out of my eyes, but I tried to stay quiet. I was scared. The hospital seemed like a place that didn’t like crying children. A nurse came and fed me more medicine on a spoon and helped me drink some apple juice with a straw. She didn’t tell me anything about what had happened. I could barely move. Where was my mom?
Mom finally came after lunch. A nurse had fed me apple sauce, which was really good. She also fed me yellow pudding. Two desserts at the same time! Mom had tears in her eyes as she sat beside me and stroked my forehead. She had to wear a special gown and a funny hat that looked like the bonnet she put on at home to dry her hair after she put curlers in. Sometimes she let me turn the hair dryer machine on.
“Poor baby!” she said. “That hot coffee burned your arm. It was an accident. Then some bad germs got in the burn. You remember how we always wash our hands before we eat? To wash away the germs?”
I nodded. I was feeling sleepy.
“I brought ‘Lady and the Tramp’ to read,” she continued. “Then you’ll have a nap. I won’t be here when you wake up, but I’ll come back tomorrow. Dad will be able to watch your brother.”
My brother. My sleepy mind pictured him smiling, waving his arms and kicking his chubby legs. Mom began to read and her soothing voice put me to sleep before we got very far into the story.
One morning a man came to my bed, wearing a white coat. He said he was the doctor. He took my arm out of the strap on the wall. It felt funny as he laid my arm on my tummy. I wasn't sure it was still a part of me, almost like I'd forgotten about it while it was tied to the wall. He also said the nurse was going to come and take the old bandage off and put a new one on.
“That will hurt”, the doctor told me. He looked serious and put his hand on my forehead. “If you’re a good girl for the nurse she’ll let you have a popsicle.”The nurse had already taken the other bandage off my leg and I only had a small one on now, on the side of my bum. I’d never got a popsicle for that.
A few days later my mother arrived, to finally take me home. She carried something plush and turquoise over her arm.
"Put this on,". Mom handed me a cozy bathrobe to wear over my pajamas. All over the robe were comforting, soft little fabric knobs, which my fingers played with. Grandma had sent it, mom told me. I knew that turquoise was grandma's favourite colour.
"You will have to wear your pajamas at home for a few more days. This robe will keep you snug as a bug in a rug. Do you like it?".
"C'est merveilleuse!" I blurted, grinning.
Mom's head snapped around, as she looked at me incredulously. "What did you say?"
"C'est merveilleuse", I repeated.
"Where did you learn that?" mom asked.
"Nurse Poitier says that to me, when she takes my bandages off. She thought the new skin growing on my arm looked wonderful."
"My goodness", mom said, "you are such a big girl now and even learning French."
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